Love bombing is just fluff and flattery.
Social media have provided very fertile grounds for this new vocabulary to grow and thrive. But I wonder though is this new language making us more sensitive and prone to empathy or is our overusing them doing more harm than good? The range of ideas around terms like trauma, abuse, and bullying is larger than it has ever been. This means we are more vulnerable and more sensitive to harm, with increased awareness of human emotions and suffering. Naming specific behaviours helps us identify them and figuring out what’s wrong;
Love Bombing, Gaslighting and Ghosting:
These new digital era terms are interlinked. Love bombing, as the name implies, is a psychological manipulation technique that comprises lavish shows of affection and attention directed towards someone, usually in the early stages of a romantic relationships or dating periods. The love bomber expresses their strong interest rapidly, makes spectacular gestures, talks frequently, pays lavish compliments, and exchanges gifts too quickly to build the target person’s emotional attachment and trust. In contrast to positive and sincere expressions of love, love bombing is a result of a nervous and self-centered search that is ultimately motivated by ego boosts. The person who makes love bombing aims to develop addiction and emotional dependence to control the target person.
Psychologically speaking, people who engage in this behavior are narcissists. They get a kick and rush out of making other people dependent on them through love bombing. As relationship develops, the love bomber frequently becomes uninterested, stops showing attention, or starts acting manipulatively and this makes the victim insecure, dependent and confused.
Moving further, comes Gaslighting. After trapping the victim in relationship dynamics by love bombing, the narcissist starts manipulating another persons’ mind by causing confusion, i.e., causing them to question their perception of reality. Convincing the victim that it is his/her fault or a mistake is the tactic used by gaslighters. This involves continually accusing the individual of things, lying to them, denying them, and putting them in a situation where they are mentally startled. Undermining the victim’s confidence and making them doubt their own feelings, ideas, and knowledge is the goal of gaslighting. As a result of which, the victim’s confidence is lowered and they become dependant while not being able to believe what they feel and see. Lies and contradictions, Denying facts, Blaming and throwing responsibility, and Making the other person suspicious to make the victim feel insecure and powerless are the key traits of a gaslighter.
Now comes the worst of all, Ghosting; In relationships or communication, ghosting is the abrupt and unannounced withdrawal of another person by cutting off contact.The typical manifestation of ghosting is when someone leaves without saying they want to keep in touch or stop their relationship. Failure to reply to messages, calls, or social media engagements can be one way this shows up. Although, it can happen in friendships or professional connections as well, ghosting is more common in romantic relationships and dating phases.The individual who is ghosting frequently ends contact with the other person for private reasons (i.e., narcissist finds a new target for their affection, someone who can provide fresh admiration and validation) or without giving them a reason or a sense of closure. Ghosting, therefore, disappoint the other person and end the relationship unresolved and can often have an emotional impact, undermining a person’s self-confidence and self worth.
Side effects;
It might be difficult to balance emotional highs and lows in the fast-paced dating landscape of today. “Love bombing, gaslighting followed by ghosting” is one particularly notable experience that can severely damage our self-esteem. It’s a roller-coaster ride of emotions that takes us from the high of feeling loved to the low of being ignored. The abrupt change from intense affection to total silence can leave one feeling confused, abandoned, and questioning the authenticity of the affection they received. They may also develop a fear of abandonment and experience anxiety about forming new relationships. Trust issues are another significant impact affecting their social, professional, and personal relationships. For this very reason, more and more of us are turning to social media for comfort, the ultimate platform for any of us “seeking approval desperately”,a place where we can speak our minds freely and find likeminded individuals to do it with. In doing so, we might very easily overstep a number of boundaries and end up “oversharing” and exposing ourselves to the point of becoming deeply involved and inevitably vulnerable.
Healing from the damange;
Dealing with this kind of behavior can be difficult and a challenging journey. However, with time, patience, and the right strategies, it’s possible to heal and regain your self-esteem and trust in others.
Acknowledge Your Feelings;
Recognizing your feelings is the first step toward recovery. You may be feeling bewildered, wounded, furious, and deceived by what transpired. Realizing that these emotions are normal and a necessary component of the healing process is crucial. Give yourself permission to mourn the loss of the relationship rather than pushing yourself to move on quickly.
Don’t Blame Yourself;
Keep in mind that the individual who ignored and abandoned you was manipulative, and their behavior speaks for them rather than for you. The fact that they decided to behave in this manner is not your fault. Stay away from negative self-talk and self-blame. Rather, concentrate on the reality that you deserve an honest and respectful relationship.
Seek Professional Help;
The most useful strategy yet underrated for healing from the harm done by love bombing, gaslighting and ghosting is therapy. You can learn coping mechanisms from a mental health expert to deal with your emotions of loss, betrayal, and poor self-worth. Additionally, they can assist you in creating more positive relationship habits going forward.
Practice Self-Care;
Last but not the least, Self-care is essential during this time. Keep yourself engaged in any positive activity that makes you happy and relaxed. Learn to prioritize your well-being and do things that contribute to your physical, emotional, and mental health. It is vital to bear in mind that you will not receive the same treatment from all people. So, to begin, take baby moves toward developing trust and over time, as your trust grows, you will feel more confident in forming deeper relationships.
Foster healthy relationships. Be in the company of individuals who appreciate and respect you. Reminding yourself that not all relationships are manipulative and painful might come from having healthy ones. They can boost your self-confidence and give you a sense of worth and affection. And finally, learn and grow, i.e., Seize the chance to develop from this experience. To prevent such situations in the future, be aware of the red flags of love bombing, gaslighting and ghosting. If you recognize and reject love bombing, the person using this tactic might react negatively. They could become defensive, try to guilt-trip you, or intensify their efforts. However, standing your ground can also lead them to lose interest and move on. And most importantly remember that after ghosting, narcissists could come back, particularly if they think the relationship will benefit them in some way. So, beware, otherwise you may experience severe emotional pain if this cycle of idealization, devaluation, and discarding occurs more than once.
My Final Thoughts;
Now we know that these emotional manipulation tactics aren’t a sign of genuine respect or affection. Hence, it’s important to keep in mind that while being the target of love bombing, gaslighting and ghosting might be extremely difficult, it’s not a reflection of your value or desirability but rather of the person who is doing it. When someone uses such strategies, they are not highlighting any flaws in you; rather, they are disclosing their own fears and incapacity to maintain a positive connection. Healing may feel like a slow process in the aftermath, and that’s acceptable. It’s critical to give yourself the space and time you require to fully recuperate. The goal is to leave the healing process with a deeper sense of self, more insight, and more relational resilience rather than to rush through it. Remember, every experience, even the painful ones, contribute to our personal growth and understanding of the world around us.
P.S. Please feel free to ask any questions you may have – questions are welcome.